Sometimes we idealize the teen years — those lazy summers, the Friday night lights, the excitement of all that lies ahead. But we can also forget how those years are also full of insecurities, uncertainties, and self-doubt. You’re trying to fit in, worrying about the future, and wanting freedom without all the accompanying burdens.
We know emotional connection can do wonders for anyone, but what kinds of emotional connections does Gen Z experience? How does that change with age? When do they have the strongest feelings of insecurity?
As you might expect, the social aspects of school can be hard for teens. Half say they have a hard time making friends. And girls especially tend to say they feel like they don’t “belong” at school.
We found that young people go through their most vulnerable period during transition phases. This seems to start around 16 and continues through many important transitions that occur in the late teenage years: greater independence with driving, graduating high school, going to college, starting a job, or getting married. These transitions often mean moving out of their parents’ home, and leaving behind friends, teachers, coaches, and neighbors. It also means the daunting task of having to build new relationships — which can be exciting, but also intimidating.
We found that most teens, before age 16, can confidently say “there are people in my life whom I love very much.” And most also say they have people they can talk to about “things that really matter.”
But between the ages of 16 to 18, the percentage of teens who answer these questions confidently drops. It begins to recover around age 19 — meaning we have to be especially aware of teens’ well-being during those two-to-three years when they’re feeling most disconnected.
During transitions, Gen Zers can struggle with loneliness and loss of identity. They might grieve what they’ve left behind. The emotional toll can be significant. Even if, on the outside, they seem eager to pursue independence and autonomy, behind it all, they’re also craving deeper connections and missing the old feelings of “being known.”
Ways to Help: Sometimes smiles can mask deep feelings of heartache. Talk to the young adults in your life and help them sort out what they’re feeling. Assure them that feeling happy, scared, and anxious all at the same time is completely normal. If they’re feeling lonely after a transition, brainstorm some concrete ways they can seek out new connections.
Before age 16, most report feeling content with their friendships. But this number drops around age 16, and interestingly, does not begin to recover until their 20s. And their sense of “belonging” with their friends holds steady until about 19 years old. Then it drops and doesn’t recover until age 22.
Why is this important? Because it tells us that as teens age, it takes longer for them to build trust and cement strong relationships. As trusted adults in their lives, we need to be vigilant about being a steady presence beside them and supporting them as they establish these relationships. And don’t be alarmed if it takes a few years — not a few months — for them to find their footing.
So, up to this point, we’ve established that while many teens struggle to belong during their high school years, they need the most support during times of transition. They need secure adult relationships to help them through those times when everything feels unfamiliar and uncertain.
But here’s one of our most important findings: Gen Z really needs to know they are loved. More than a third of all Gen Zers are not confident they are “worthy of being loved” (rated 0-7 out of 10). From ages 16 to 21, adolescents show the lowest confidence that they are worthy of receiving love.