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Smartphones:
CULTURE WAR OR CONVERSATION?
An In-Depth Look From Axis Ministries
By the end of 2023, school districts in 41 U.S. states had spent $2.5 million on Yondr pouches — devices that magnetically seal up phones until the end of the school day. Students’ responses have been mixed.
For some, having to put their device into a magnetically sealed pouch felt like a violation of their rights. When NBC News asked a classroom of students in Montgomery, Alabama, which of them didn’t like using Yondr, practically everyone in the class raised their hand. Still, some students acknowledged that, “We communicate more with each other now that our phones [are] locked up.” Another student in Newburgh, New York, who initially tried to start a petition against the new policy, now agrees that Yondr pouches were the right move.
Some families may want to try implementing this at home — and having some designated no-phone spaces and times is typically a good idea. But the difference between class and life at home is that the former has a very clear-cut purpose, while the latter is a place of open-ended formation. Outright bans are often temporary solutions because they don’t solve the underlying problem. Students are still left without the self-control to manage smartphone use on their own. Beyond the practical implications that come with lacking that skill, Galatians 5:22-23 calls us to cultivate self-control as a fruit of the Spirit. So how can we help equip them to develop it — in this, and every other area?
"Asking intentional questions can help the young adults around us figure out how to live wisely in 2024, and how to regulate device usage for themselves."
Engaging Culture, Validating Affections
In Acts 17, the apostle Paul finds himself in Athens, surrounded by idols — and an audience of pagan philosophers. In Greece at that time, there was a popular poem about Zeus called Phaenomena. The poem starts, “Let us begin with Zeus, whom we mortals never leave unspoken. For every street, every marketplace is full of Zeus. Even the sea and the harbor are full of this deity. Everywhere everyone is indebted to Zeus. For we are indeed his offspring.”
From Paul’s vantage point, the biggest obstacle to the gospel in that environment was idolatry. But instead of fighting it head-on, or trying to ignore it, he decided instead to fearlessly hijack this poem about a pagan god to redirect his audience to the gospel. He told the philosophers, “we are indeed his offspring” in Acts 17:28, before going on to explain the pitfalls of worshipping carved idols. Paul decided to use the culture around him in the service of greater truth, instead of declaring a culture war.
Today, fighting head-on against smartphone and social media culture might feel like the right move, especially when rising rates of mental health issues and exposure to harmful content seem to be tied to it. But in conversation with people who “live and move and have their being” online, taking the time to ask questions that validate their affections and spark their own thoughts can often take us much further in conversation.
The Good, the Bad, and the Biblical
At Axis, we often encourage readers to ask three simple questions about events and artifacts in pop culture: what’s good about it, what’s bad about it, and finally, what does the Bible say about it? The order of these questions is crucial. Parents and caring adults who feel overwhelmed and frustrated by smartphones and social media may want to jump right to question number two, or number three. But taking the time to discuss first what our sons and daughters like about their phones can become a way to open the door in conversation.
As Drs. Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen point out in their book Difficult Conversations, “Changes in attitudes and behavior rarely come about because of arguments, facts, and attempts to persuade. How often do you change your values and beliefs — or whom you love or what you want in life — based on something someone tells you? And how likely are you to do so when the person who is trying to change you doesn’t seem to be aware of the reasons you see things differently in the first place?” For whatever reason, when we believe that others are trying to understand our point of view, our defenses usually go down, and we’re more willing to listen to their point of view. Trying to understand first what teens like about their phone (or whatever the topic is) can go a long way toward helping them feel seen.
Question number two is, “What’s bad about it?” The initial goal with this question is not so much to tell teens what you think the issues are, but to create a space where they can voluntarily acknowledge the issues they see. If you’ve established a safe place with the first question, the answers they give to this question might surprise you. For example, you may find that for many teens, maintaining an online presence can sometimes feel more like an obligation than a delight. It’s not necessarily that teens check social media repeatedly because they think it’s just that amazing; for many, a sense of needing to be online more than a sense of wanting to be online is what motivates them. Even if the internet sometimes leaves them feeling unhappy, it can still feel like the best (or only) way to stay connected to their friends.
Unfortunately, many tech companies with financial incentives are also in what could be described as a parasitic relationship with this natural, God-given desire to connect. Explore pages, newsfeeds, and TikTok’s FYP (For You Page) are all designed to siphon more and more time into staring at whatever content the algorithm serves up on any given day. As Professor Sherry Turkle puts it in her book Reclaiming Conversation, “If we feel addicted to our phones, it is not a personal weakness. We are exhibiting a predictable response to a perfectly executed design. Looking at things through this lens might put us halfway to making new choices, needed changes.”
We often encourage readers to ask three simple questions about events and artifacts in pop culture: what’s good about it, what’s bad about it, and finally, what does the Bible say about it?
Raising Adults
Question number three is, “What does the Bible say about it?” Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend point out in their book Boundaries, “The Bible and all of psychological research affirm an important reality about healthy, fulfilled, happy people: they have something called ‘self-control.’ Galatians 5 tells us that it is a fruit of the Spirit, and we are called to develop it.” Smartphones are designed to overwhelm users’ ability to practice self-control, but that doesn’t make responsibility in this area any less important. We’re generally happier in the long term when we can practice moderation — even if that means setting up limits and restrictions on our own devices to help us do so.
The ultimate goal of parenting is not raising children — it’s raising adults. And unless some sort of massive, global change takes place, our relationships will be partially digital for the rest of our lives. Even if some of us wish we could raise our kids like it was 1950, asking intentional questions can help the young adults around us figure out how to live wisely in 2024, and how to regulate device usage for themselves.
At Axis, we translate pop culture to help parents and caring adults understand and disciple their teenagers. For more help understanding your teens’ world, go to axis.org and sign up for our Culture Translator newsletter.